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Saturday, November 14th, 2009
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4:16 pm - "Dreaming My Way Home"
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"Dreaming My Way Home" by Barbara Kessler (featured on the Japanese RPG "Rogue Galaxy")
There is a place I’m longing for tonight,
A place I love so far, far away.
There lives in my heart a treasure buried deep inside,
And I’ll keep wondering until I find it again someday.
Somewhere the flowers are in bloom,
A candle burning in a room.
There is comfort in the darkest night,
Even if there is no star in sight.
Every time I close my eyes it’s all I see,
I am haunted by a timeless memory.
And no matter what I do or where I roam,
I will still be dreaming my way home.
Time froze but I kept moving on,
All I have loved, all I have known.
I turned around and in a moment it was gone,
Still I believe I’m never far from home.
Somewhere the flowers are in bloom,
I can almost smell their perfume.
Somewhere a candle, still burning bright,
Even if there is no star in sight.
Every time I close my eyes it’s all I see,
I am haunted by a timeless memory.
And no matter what I do or where I roam,
I will still be dreaming my way home.
I am always dreaming my way home. Many of us are grasping for someone in the dark. A hand that would guide us back home. When everyone turn their backs on you, never loose your life's direction. There would always be home.
There would always be someone who could give us refuge. We are home by then!
current mood:  okay
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| Friday, November 6th, 2009
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11:17 am - Update on Life
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College is going good. I'm going to have enough credits to be a sophomore soon here at ETSU. I'm still very much in love with Justin. We've been together for three years now and our anniversary was last month. We've been living together for two years since this past September. Life is pretty fucking awesome.
This semester seems like it'll be my best. All A's maybe! If not, mostly A's with a B or so. It's almost over. Our last day is December 11th and then finals week.
I'm currently the main advertiser for the Atheist and Free Thought Club here at ETSU. I'm the one who goes around campus and puts up all the flyers to let people know when events are. Sadly, this club might be coming to an end soon since the current president of the club is going to graduate. If no one steps up to take over, then the club will end. I'd do it, but I'm way too fucking introverted for that shit. You've got be REALLY outgoing to be a president of a club. It takes lots of socializing. I've gotten better with being more outgoing since I began classes at ETSU, but I'm still not extroverted.
I love my job. It is the best job I've ever had. I work at the main computer lab for the campus. I've almost worked here for a year; in fact, it'll be a year I've worked here in January. One of the managers wasn't supposed to tell me this, but I've been considered by the head of the OIT department for a promotion to manager (being considered is not a guarantee though because I'm not the only one being considered). It'll be the first manager position I've ever held, which sort of freaks me out when I think about it, but hey, I need more damn money. Managers get paid a lot more than just us peons.
We've got three cats. I really can't remember if I wrote on this journal when we got our last cat. Nimbus is 4 years old now, which he turned last month. Luna is two years old and 4 months. Echo is a year old and 5 months. They're all so precious and make me laugh every damn day.
I'm currently playing Okage Shadow King, which is a PS2 game that came out a while ago. It's really good. It's a very unique style game which is different from anything I've played previously. I wouldn't recommend it to people who don't have a sense of humor though.
I've recently had trouble with friends. That's nothing new and is probably something that'll never become old either. I've probably mentioned them before, but Jon and Joseph is this gay couple Justin and I have known for a while. Jon has pretty much lost it. And by lost it, I mean, his personality has completely changed and he's nothing but an asshole to people now. We tried to talk to him about it and work it out like adults but he immaturely declined this offer by us. Joseph is on the verge of breaking up with him. After all, Jon did cheat on Joseph and ruin our circle of friends. We're still friends with Joseph, but ... because of Jon, the friendship is strained. Joseph can't leave Jon just like that for various reasons, so until then, our friendship has sort of been suspended. Hopefully, we won't lose Joseph as a friend too.
This past Halloween was a fucking blast. I must say, it was the best Halloween I've ever had. I laughed so hard and so frequent that I'll never forget it. Funny how I did all that laughing and had a good time WITHOUT alcohol or drugs like most dumbasses around campus. It was a 100% dry party. Although, I'll admit, all the caffeine from the pop I was drinking and all the sugar from the shitload of candy I ate probably did aid in getting me a bit hyper. I was wired wide awake until 5 a.m. that night. But hey, at least I'll REMEMBER what happened that night and didn't have a throbbing headache the next morning ... or worse, have a vomiting session in the bathroom.
I definitely don't write as often as I should anymore, but with classes and work and keep up a social life ... gah, it's a struggle to get any time to myself anymore.
Until next time! :P
current mood:  thoughtful
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| Wednesday, September 2nd, 2009
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11:58 pm - True Kindness
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People are assholes most of the time. Seriously, these days, when someone's an asshole I usually don't think twice about it. I curse them and move on, as if it were something to be expected. - As if it should be that way. I rarely see true kindness. It is when I see someone go completely out of their way to extend a helping hand. It is even more admirable when it is an extended hand to someone they're a complete stranger to.
After I witnessed such kindness today, I feel that I must document it so that when I'm in a negative state of mind I can remember that true kindness does exist.
We were heading to our car, leaving Cheddar's, and we spotted two awesome looking girls eating outside. They both had dyed hair, but one in particular was amazing. Her hair was perfectly cut to an angle that looked so unique. There was just the right amount of black and purple shining in the sunlight. My boyfriend and I looked at the two girls in admiration. We got into our car and saw them looking at us.
"They're looking back at us," Justin pointed out.
"They probably think we're assholes for staring. Let's stop looking at them," I said as I started the car.
A second before my foot pushed down on the gas, a waiter from the restaurant jumped over the fence that was surrounding the building, and began saying something to us. I couldn't hear him so I stayed in the parking spot and rolled down the window.
"You're tire is completely flat," he warned us.
I looked like this. >>> 0.0
"It is?!" I said, being completely clueless.
It turned out the girl with the amazing black and purple hair pointed my flat tire out to the waiter. That's why her and her friend were looking at us when we got in the car. I got out of the car and inspected it to see if it could make it to an air pump. No fucking way. The rubber was down to the rim of the tire.
"What the hell?! We came here all the way from ETSU. It was perfectly fine whenever we went in. How could it get flat in such a short amount of time?!" I said in shock and annoyance.
The waiter offered to change it for us. I'll admit it - I've never changed a tire before and neither has Justin. We probably could've figured it out, but the waiter was practically insisting on doing it for us. I brought him the jack. Then I got him the tire wrench out of my backseat. Then I brought him the little doughnut tire out of my trunk. I told him I could probably figure it out (it isn't rocket science) and said that I felt bad for letting him do it. He simply said, "Not a problem."
He got a few bolts off then got stuck on one. The one he couldn't get off was a stripped. No matter how hard he turned the tire wrench, it wouldn't catch on it enough to loosen. Sweat was literally dripping from the guy's face, he was trying so hard. I never felt so terrible in my life. He said he had to get back and take some orders then he'd be back to try again.
While he was gone, I tried to do it myself. I shouldn't have kid myself. There's no way I could be stronger than a slender, built guy that the waiter was. Still, I had to try to be useful somehow. I used my muscles to the point of causing myself pain, but it was all for nothing. I couldn't get it to move a centimeter. This is when the girl with the black and purple hair came over to us.
"My dad's a mechanic. I deal with this stuff all the time," she said ever so coolly. She took the tire wrench and tried it herself. I doubted she could do it, no matter who her dad was. She was a petite girl who was possibly weaker than me. She failed as I predicted. She yelled over to her friend who was still at the restaurant table.
"Get Cody on the phone for me! Tell him to get over to Cheddar's - NOW!" she shouted.
She explained that he had tools specifically for getting stripped bolts off.
This was me again. >>> 0 . 0 !!!
Someone was willing to go so far out of their way to help me. I couldn't believe it. I felt like it wasn't real. I didn't know what to say, even though there was so much I needed to say.
Her friend yelled back, "He's at work. He's doing overtime and says he really needs the money."
Black/purple-haired girl just yelled back,"I don't need him to be at work. I need him to get over here and help this poor girl!"
By this time, the waiter had come back to try again. However, it was futile. There was nothing that could be done without special tools. I felt awful when that girl got off the phone and said that this Cody person was on his way. I felt like crying, to be honest. I felt so useless, but I also felt so touched that so many people would be willing to help a complete stranger. I wanted to cry for both reasons.
Eventually, the Cody person arrived with his special tools. We all watched him work his "magic." Even the waiter stood by and saw Cody hammer what looked like a cap of some sort onto the bolt and crack it open. Cody pulled off a very rusty, old, stripped bolt.
Before I knew it the doughnut tire was on and we were set to go. I showered all of the people who helped us with thank you's. I couldn't possibly express how grateful I was. If it weren't for them, we would've been 100% screwed. After eating at Cheddar's we only had about $15 left (since our financial aid is delayed - hopefully Justin gets his tomorrow - and I'm for some unknown reason missing a paycheck) which meant there'd be no way to call for a tow truck. The tire was so flat, I couldn't possibly make it to any kind of car place without the rim being destroyed. I offered them all the little bit of money I had left in my purse, for their time and hard work. All of them strongly refused.
"Nah, it's no problem," said Cody. This was so obviously a lie. Him coming out to help me cost him extra money he could've made at work.
"Don't even think about it. I would never take money from someone who's stranded. If I were in your situation, I know I'd be desperate and I'd wish someone would help me. I was glad to help you. I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if you'd pulled out of this parking lot and got into an accident because of that flat tire. You just take care, okay?!" the black and purple haired girl explained.
"Keep your money! It was no problem at all! I was happy to try and help you!" the waiter shouted to me as I got into my car.
Justin and I couldn't believe it. We were in awe. We agreed that we never in a million years would've expected so much kindness from strangers. I guess the rumors are true. Kind people really do exist.
current mood:  thankful
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| Wednesday, July 8th, 2009
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9:08 pm - A Death and Adventure
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Rest in Peace
Eugena Jordan-Duszynski
March 26, 1953 - June 29, 2009
I'm sorry I didn't get to say goodbye.
She was my stepmother. I had to go to her funeral. So here's the story ...
This is going to be one hell of a blog entry. I've got a lot to go over on what happened to me on my journey to Indiana, while I was there, and on the way back.
Flying to Chicago
Well, off to an unlucky start, my flight was canceled. They automatically re-booked me for the next available flight. This sucked because by the time I got to Chicago, the wake for my stepmother would be over. Well, I was mainly going for the funeral, so it wasn't the end of the world.
I made the unwise decision of wearing my Tripp pants. They're black, baggy pants that have several chains on them. Several chains that are made of METAL. This means walking through the detectors wasn't going to be an easy task. Since they couldn't make me take off my pants, they had to search me. Luckily, this wasn't incredibly embarrassing because I was the only one going through security at the time. I was patted down everywhere, very thoroughly. Even the bra area around my breasts had to be pressed down upon and my a$$ had to be felt as well. It was a woman searching me though, so it wasn't terrible, just embarrassing. At one point, the woman had to feel around my knees - a place I'm very ticklish - and no matter how much I resisted, I couldn't help but laugh. I apologized and explained I was ticklish. The security officer just chuckled and apologized for tickling me.
I had to switch planes in Atlanta, Georgia. Yes, that is farther south than Tennessee. Why I had to change planes there, I have no idea. It doesn't make sense to me but that's the way airlines are, I guess. Anyway, I freaked out a little on the plane to Atlanta. It was small. It had poor air conditioning. I was pressed in tight against the man sitting next to me. I had barely any leg room. There was lots of turbulence. I closed my eyes tight and took deep breaths to ease my anxiety. Luckily, doing that, I slowly claimed down and kept myself from freaking out outside of my mind. That would've been embarrassing had I not.
The trip from the Tri-Cities Airport to Atlanta's airport was only about 45 minutes, but we'd been given about a hour. Although we arrived early, a plane was at our gate so we had to sit on the plane until it moved anyway.
I had about 40 minutes to figure out where I needed to be for my next departure. If you've never been to Atlanta's airport, that's good, because that place is insanely huge. There are about five areas, each area has over a dozen gates for arrivals and departures. Each area is so far away from the other that most people take the underground train to get from place to place. Yep, it's pretty damn big.
I made it about 15 minutes before my plane departed. Just enough time to get through and onto the plane. This second plane was much nicer. It had such a good air conditioner that I eventually turned it off because I started to get cold. The seats were not so close together and there was enough leg room. The lady that sat next to me gave me the window seat because she didn't want it (if you don't pick a seat, I'm pretty sure they randomly assign you one, because I didn't pick a seat either). We were served a full meal on the way to Chicago. It was so good too. I honestly do not know why people would complain about airline food (someone said it could be that other airlines have crappy food). Everything was delicious. There was a turkey sub, with some seasoning that I didn't recognize, but was very good. Also, a bowl of very sweet fruit: a strawberry, a small bundle of grapes, and a large slice of pineapple. Snack foods: chips and a brownie. To top it off, a nice and cold beverage of choice (among what they had to offer). The lady next to me offered me her chips and brownie because she didn't want them. I thought, OH HELL YEAH! Overall, that plane was much nicer. It had a very small amount of turbulence as well.
Arriving in Chicago
I could see the big city from up high. It was awesome. I could see the Sears Tower at one end, among all the other tall buildings and behind the vast body of water known as Lake Michigan. What a sight to behold.
I arrived at the Midway Airport, a ways away from the big buildings of the Windy City of Chicago. Although I believe Chicago is larger than Atlanta, the Midway Airport is only a fraction of how big Atlanta's was. Then again, Chicago has multiple airports, and I have no idea how many Atlanta has. I entered the airport off of the plane to find an extremely large amount of people waiting at that particular gate. I pushed my way through the crowd to find a pay phone. I call my boyfriend to let him know I got there safely. >.< I shouldn't have, because that was the last of my minutes on the phone card I'd bought. Pay phones suck up a lot of minutes. Now I had no way to call my mother. I couldn't call her until I reached Indiana then because I couldn't call her on a pay phone due to long distance.
I wasn't familiar with the airport so I had to look around a while to find where ground transportation was. I found it just in time to get on a bus that was heading to North West Indiana. I was to go to the town of Highland (the first town you enter from the expressway going into Indiana from Chicago, Illinois). My mother would pick me up there.
Seeing North West Indiana Again
When I arrived in Highland, IN, I was expecting to go searching for a pay phone but instead I found my mother already waiting there. She saw me spot her through the bus window and waved. She'd been waiting there for a while, figuring I'd be arriving soon enough. We had no idea how long the bus would take so she'd guessed. Better to be early than late, I guess.
Exhausted, I was happy to sit in her car once again. My grandmother was in the backseat. I told them of my plane and airport experiences thus far.
My mother sped her way over the funeral home. The wake was over, but my father and some others were still there. It had been over for a half hour when I arrived there. My father, Eugene (Gena's son), Trish (Eugene's wife), Julie (Gena's daughter), Julie's boyfriend (whose name I can't remember at the moment), and Eugene & Trish's two daughters were all waiting outside at the front of the building. I apologized for looking so informal. I was wearing a very casual long sleeve shirt and my chain-filled Tripp pants. No one seemed to care. Everyone had sad looks on their faces, which was to be expected. However, my dad seemed, at least, happy to see that I'd made it. We all talked for a little while before heading in our separate ways. I'd see them all again at the funeral the next day.
On the way to my mother and grandmother's house, we stopped at a store and my mother bought me a few things to eat / drink while I stayed with her.
That night, my mom and I cooked a frozen pizza, and watched a movie. My mom's movies are very ... well, not my taste. I settled with Legally Blonde. It has moments of funny in it and it was a better choice than some of the others she had. I went to bed early and slept in my mother's bed while my mother took the couch. The funeral was to begin at 10:00 a.m. the next morning.
The Funeral
We arrived at the funeral home once again. A line of cars were already in line and bright orange stickers that read "FUNERAL" were being placed on the windshields. My mother parked her car in line with them and we placed the sticker in our window as well.
We'd gotten there about 15 minutes before it began. I walked through a crowd of people who were smoking and talking. Some of their faces I recognized from a decade ago, some I did not.
My mother, grandmother, and I sat in the first row of regular chairs that were placed behind a row of arm chairs that were designated especially for those who were closest to Gena. In the row of arm chairs sat my father, Eugene, Trish, Julie, Gena's first husband (and Eugene and Julie's father), and Gena's stepmother.
Soon the funeral service began. Gena's body laid in the casket at the front of the room. Flowers surrounded her. She looked so peaceful, as if she were just sleeping there. It was a sad sight to see. The minister walked up the podium and began his service. He talked a lot about Jesus. Although, some of the things he said annoyed me, I was in no position to complain. Gena was Christian, after all. Most of the people in the room were probably Christian as well. It wasn't my funeral.
[I might not have these next parts in order, but I guess it isn't too important if I make a mistake. I'm just recalling who spoke next.]
Eugene then approached the podium. He gave a deep, heartfelt speech. He called death a miracle, one no one should have to experience. He spoke of many things, some of which certain people may not understand. His words moved me greatly and tears filled my eyes.
Julie also spoke at the podium. She talked of how Gena wanted nothing more in life than to be a mother. She talked of how Gena was a great mother to her and Eugene. She was happy that her mother got to see Eugene's grandchildren, but regretted her mother not seeing her grandchildren.
Trish spoke at the podium. She spoke of how much she loved Gena. She was the only one to make a humorous remark. She spoke of how Gena loved to Trish's children in stretch pants, rather than jeans. I'm going to try to quote her as well as I can remember, "Some times we had to agree to disagree. We disagreed on those godforsaken stretch pants. I like jeans. Gena would argue 'Go ahead and let them run around like hillbillies!' and sure enough when they'd come home they'd be wearing stretch pants." This made a few people chuckle, but for some, even that wasn't funny at the moment.
A relative I didn't recognize (and I failed to know her name) approached the podium. I honestly can't remember much of what she said. >.<
A little girl (who I later learned was named Abby and a cousin of mine by marriage) approached the podium. She began to say something but after about two sentences the poor girl couldn't stop crying. Eugene said to her, "Take your time, sweetie." However, the poor girl (probably) got embarrassed and fled to her seat.
After everyone else said what they had to say, the minister got back up and said his final words of the service. After that, it was time for everyone to say their final farewells to Gena at the casket. Row by row, people went up to say their goodbyes. Although I do not believe in heaven or God, I stopped at her casket and thought to myself, "I'm sorry I didn't get to say goodbye to you. I'm so very sorry." It made me feel extremely sad to see her motionless body up close. She had short, gray hair. Up until then, all of my memories of her where of when she had shoulder length, blonde hair. The chemotherapy had made her go bald but before she died I expect some had started to grow back and she was unable to dye it blonde.
After everyone came out of the funeral home, I found my father. I hugged him and made sure he was okay. We talked for a short while before I headed to the car to join my mother and grandmother.
In a long string of cars, we made our way to the cemetery. Everyone gathered around Gena's burial place. Many people's faces were puffy and red from tears.
While waiting for everyone to arrive, my grandmother started to talk to some other old woman about me and who I was. A guy who looked a little older then me approached me. "That would mean you're my cousin," he said and extended his hand for me to shake. At first, I didn't recognize him, but after he walked away it hit me. It was someone I'd played with long ago, when I was a little girl. His nickname was Boo-Boo. I have no idea where that nickname came from, but I knew it was him. Later on, someone told me he goes by his birth name now, which is Clint.
Another person approached me, who turned out to be my Uncle Ronny's wife. She was disappointed to find that I didn't remember her. Her face looked vaguely familiar, but as for memories, I have none of her. She talked to my mother for a while.
Soon, final words were spoken about Gena and she was prepared to be lowered into the ground. She was to be buried next to her parents. Everyone went back to their cars and headed for another place where we'd all meet.
I'm not exactly sure who paid for it, but I expect who ever paid for the funeral was paying for the diner. It was at a restaurant named Teibel's. It's a very fancy restaurant that I actually dislike quite a bit. It has high prices for mediocre food. Upon entering the restaurant, another person recognized me. I'd recognized her at the funeral. She was someone who'd babysat me before (why, I don't know). She was related to Gena, but I can't remember exactly how. She said what many others had said before, "I haven't seen you since you were a little girl!" She was with the same man she was back when she babysat me. Her boyfriend then is now her husband, whom have two daughters together.
I sat next to my father. As awkward as it was, my mother and grandmother sat with us. My mother and grandmother hadn't really spoken to my father since ... well, stuff happened a decade ago. My father looked so sad. He barely spoke. I understood why completely, of course. I was determined to get him to crack a smile. I said anything I could think of that was funny relating to what we were doing. With success, I made him smile a few times. It turns out, we both thoroughly enjoy mashed potatoes and other potato based foods. My Uncle Ronny and his wife sat next to us. Uncle Ronny is the only one amongst my father's four brothers who actually looks quite a bit like him. I told Uncle Ronny this and he smiled. He jokingly replied with, "Jee, thanks. What did I ever do to you?" He was, of course, insulting my father's looks compared to his own.
After leaving Teibel's, my mother took my grandmother and me to Dairy Queen for desert. We parked near the lake of Cedar Lake and watched boats go by. My mother told me she was sad that we weren't as close as Gena and her family obviously was. This made me feel awkward and sad too.
Confessions
Later on that night, my mother and I got hungry and instead of cooking, we went out to eat. She took me to a place I wasn't thrilled about going to. It was the Texas Steakhouse. Ick, I hate steak. Anyway, I ordered Texas cheese fries and was happy.
My mother got to talking about death. She was obviously effected by the funeral she'd witnessed that day. She talked of how she sometimes wondered if a god really existed because there were so many things in the world she didn't understand. ...
This was the perfect moment. My mother had earlier expressed how she felt about our closeness and how she wished we were closer. She gave me the perfect opportunity to confess one of the two things I'd always wanted to tell her.
"Mom, how would you feel about someone not believing in God or heaven or anything like that?" I asked.
"I don't know. I guess I wouldn't care. I mean, I just said I'm doubting things myself," she said.
"So it wouldn't bother you at all if someone you knew didn't believe in God?" I asked firmly.
"Well, it isn't like I'd approve of it, really. But then again, I wouldn't dislike the person. It's their choice on the subject," she said, she sounded uncertain of what she was saying.
"Well, Mom, you wanted us to be closer so I'm going to tell you something. ... I don't believe in God. I don't believe in heaven or hell or any of that stuff. I haven't believed in that stuff since I was about 13 or so," I blurted out quickly.
My mother's eyebrows lifted to an angle of surprise and her jaw dropped slightly.
For a moment she didn't say anything. What felt like a thousand years of silence was probably only about 5 second or so.
"Alright," she said simply.
0.0 <<< This is how I looked after that response.
"You don't care? Not even a little bit? You don't think I'm evil or weird or crazy?" I asked.
"No ... that's not evil or crazy. It's your choice. I mean, I guess I'm having my doubts, but I wouldn't just completely not believe in it. I'd be afraid of being wrong," she said. (notice how she didn't say it wasn't weird)
"You have no idea how afraid I've been of telling you this and ... I can't believe you're being this calm about it!" I shouted, actually feeling a mixture of relief and annoyance.
"Well, I can't make you believe in something! It's alright, I said!" she shouted back.
I sat there in disbelief that she was the same person I'd known for years to be narrow-minded. She finished her steak and we left.
After getting in the car, I began another confession.
"I have something else I want to tell you," I said, preparing for it, "and I know you're not going to like this one."
"Well, you don't have to tell me stuff if you don't want to. I said I wanted us to be close, but I only want you to tell me stuff if you want to," she said.
"Well, I just know that you've disliked this stuff for sure. You've said stuff out loud that are obvious remarks against it. ... Well, it isn't a choice by any means what so ever, but I'm bisexual," I said, feeling a great amount of fear welling up inside me.
Another thousand years (about 5 seconds) worth of silence passed.
"Uh ... well, I'm not against gay people. I had a lesbian friend once," she said.
"WHAT?! But you didn't like that I was friends with Billy! You always make comments about gay people when they're on TV. You talk about how gross they are!" I shouted.
"Well, that was when you were younger. I just ... I guess I just ..." she was having a hard time explaining herself.
"It isn't a choice so if you thought I'd "turn gay" or whatever, that's so not possible," I argued.
"I just didn't want you to hang out with the wrong kind of people. Some gay people do a lot of drugs and have a lot of sex. What if Billy did those things? I didn't know! And it is gross to see two guys or two girls kiss or have sex on TV. I don't want to see it but I'm not exactly against it! And as for you being bisexual, I don't give a damn because you're an adult now and you don't do any bad things! And you're with a guy right now anyway!" she explained.
"So you wouldn't be okay with it if I were with a woman instead?!" I demanded an answer.
"No! No ... I just want grandkids, but you won't give them to me anyway!" she said angrily.
"Mom, you are so ... confusing. You've gave off this HUGE impression that you hate gay people and now you're telling me that you don't. Is it just because you won't allow yourself to hate me because I'm your kid?" I said, doubtingly.
"No, I mean it. I mean all of it. It's okay that you're bisexual. But you're right, I could never hate you. I'll love you until the day you die!" she said.
... After all that, we had a pleasant ride home and talked about "normal" things.
Hanging out with my dad and Eugene's family
The next day I got to hang out with Dad. He picked me up in front of Lake Central High School in St. John, IN. It wasn't too far from where my mother lived. My mother and him meet half way because she doesn't remember how to get to his place and Dad has a hard time figuring out how to get to her place.
He was taking me to Eugene and Trish's house. I was nervous. I'd seen Eugene and Trish the first day in Indiana and then again at the funeral, but I'd never really talked to them a lot.
They live in a town in Illinois, much farther south than Chicago. Upon entering the house, there was Eugene. He was in, what were probably, his pajamas while lazily reclined back on the couch. "Oh, hi! Go ahead, have a seat!" he said to me and Dad. Their living room had many blankets on the floor from the sleepover they'd had the night before. Trish came in and apologized for the mess. Little does she know that I actually prefer messy places because they make me feel more comfortable. I made the joke, "Oh, I'm terribly offended." I sat down in the closest chair.
Four girls ran into the room next. Two were Trish and Eugene's daughters named Tori and Elizabeth and the other two were girls I'd seen at the funeral. They were the daughters of the woman who'd once babysat me (that I met at Teibel's). They were all playing together. I expect that they were playing some sort of dress up game because every once in a while they'd come into the living room with a different outfit on. I think their ages ranged from 5 - 7.
A little bit after my dad and I had arrived, Gena's former husband (and Eugene's father) arrived. I can't remember his damn name. >.<
Everyone discussed what they wanted to eat. Our original choice was Chinese food, but the restaurant they called for it was closed. So we had Mexican food instead. They ordered from a restaurant I'd never heard of. I looked at the menu they had for it. I didn't recognize a lot of things. I just ordered nachos, minus the guacamole and jalapeno peppers. My dad and Eugene ordered these huge things. They looked like extremely large tacos, but they had a bunch of stuff all over them. They were packed with meat and stuff. They didn't look bad, but they were probably spicy. I can't remember what Trish or Eugene's dad had. While we were eating, the girls would occasionally come in to say something. I overheard one of the little girls complain that the food she had wasn't like her mother's. It was the older of the two girls they were having over. Both girls were Hispanic but I hadn't guessed their nationality. They turned out to be half Mexican and the girl said that her mother's food was better than the restaurants. Odd thing was that their father was the one who was obviously Mexican while their mother was white. I guess white women can cook Mexican dishes just the same.
After we all ate, we watched a Western movie called Appaloosa which starred Viggo Mortensen. He's one of the hottest old actors out there, seriously. ... >.> Anyway, it was pretty good. It was historical fiction, after all.
Close to the end of the movie, we had desert. There was a whole damn box of cheesecake there. 0.0 <<< That's what I looked like when Eugene had me pull the box of cheesecake out of their frig. Everyone who knows me knows that cheesecake is my favorite desert. A box of cheesecake, individual slices that had different flavors on the cheesecake. I took a raspberry and a strawberry flavored slice. Sooooo good. >.<
After we finished the movie, it was pretty much time to go.
Eugene and Trish thanked me for coming over. Hell, I felt like thanking them a bunch of times over for buying me food then gracing me with the pleasure of consuming cheesecake.
Dad took me to my mother's house and then made his way to drop off the two girls, that were staying with Eugene and Trish, back to their place.
The 4th of July
I woke up at 10:30 a.m. to pack my things and get ready for the holiday event. I was going to spend the night at my dad's house so that he could drive me to the airport the next morning. I made sure I had everything I came with, and took some extra things my mother gave me. My backpack was very full now, quite a bit bigger than when I arrived.
My father met us at a gas station. I actually didn't recognize what town we were in. I hadn't paid attention. My mother hugged me goodbye and said she'd try to get enough money for me to come visit her again in August (in between my summer semester and the fall semester). She reminded me to call her whenever I got home the next day to see that I got home from the flight okay.
I was taken to my father's house (whom lives in Gary, Indiana - yes, that's where Michael Jackson is from). It was like I remembered the first time I'd ever been there. It hadn't really changed in two years. Then again, I wasn't there for too long the first time I'd been there. It was a decent sized house. It was bigger than my mother's. I sat on the couch; it was very comfortable. Julie was getting ready in the other room. It didn't take long before she came out. She was wearing a Chicago Cubs t-shirt. Ick, I hate sports. ... Anyway, she looked extremely pretty. Her hair was flared out, dyed red with what looked like blonde highlights. Her makeup was flawless. Then again, Julie had gone to school to learn how to do makeup professionally, not just for beauty, but for special effects like they'd use in movies. I wish I had the patience to do my makeup that damn good.
Julie and I did most of the talking in my father's van. We talked about what I was doing in college. We talked about how the government is stupid for making people wait until they're 24 years old before they can use their own information to go to school. It is illogical. There's plenty of people out there who do not receive any help from their parents what so ever once they move out at 18. What the hell?
We were going to Al's house (whom lived in Hobart, Indiana). Albert is Gena's brother. He has four daughters: Morgan (20), Brittany (18), Taylor (12), and Abby (10). I think those ages are right, anyway. He divorced their mother sometime ago and has re-married since then. His present wife had a daughter when they married whose name I can't remember and age I don't know. She looks about 15 or something though. A house full of women ... I wonder how Al survives. :P
I used to play with Morgan and Brittany when I was younger. I remember dancing to awful songs like "Macarina" and "Come On Ride the Train" with them. >.< I also remember watching Ace Ventura - When Nature Calls with them. Why were we allowed to watch that movie? Seriously, it has way too many inappropriate things in it! I hadn't seen them in about a decade though. I was nervous to enter their house.
The first girl I saw when I entered was Abby. She greeted me. ... How'd she know my name already? Then she asked, "You used to play with my sister Morgan, right?" I nodded with, "Uh huh." She smiled at me then walked over someone else to talk to them. Al entered the living room and asked if I remembered him. I did, but only vaguely. For ten years having past since the last time I saw him, he didn't really look too different. Hell, he didn't even look old at all. Weird.
Over the course of a half hour, the house filled with people. I was annoyed by this because I hate big crowds of people. Eugene, Trish, and their daughters had come. Many people I'd seen at Gena's funeral had come. After sitting there and talking with anyone who was around, Al noticed that I hadn't eaten anything and informed me that there was plenty of food in the kitchen. I was too nervous to be hungry, but I didn't want to be rude so I got up and went into the kitchen. There was plenty of food. Every kitchen counter was overflowing with food. I decided to have a plate of food. I took two different types of dips for chips. One was made by Trish and was nothing like I'd ever tasted before. It was delicious. The other was another type of dip but tasted great too. I had another plate, they were so good. Later on, I had macaroni salad. It was pretty good.
While I was eating, I saw Morgan. She looked so different than how I'd imagine her to be. She dressed uniquely though, which I liked. She had a few piercings. Her hair was long, blonde, and beautiful with loose curls. Something I hadn't expected at all was that she had a son. I believe people were calling him Oswall. He looked maybe about a year old or maybe a little over that. I couldn't imagine being a mother so young. Then again, a cousin of mine had a kid before she was even out of high school and is doing just fine now. If their okay with it, so am I, I guess. She sported an attitude as though she'd not take any crap from anyone, ever. It was intimidating.
The sky was full of clouds. The air was damp but neither cold or hot. I didn't mind the weather being this way, but many people had complained about it all day. They wanted the sun to shine bright upon their 4th of July. I didn't; I hadn't brought any sunblock. I stepped outside to find many of the children at the party swimming in the pool out back. They played a game in which a person would get on another person's shoulders then try to push someone else off doing the same thing. Some of them tried to do flips in the water. Occasionally they'd get out and take a dive or do a cannon ball. Trish had her camera with her, she was taking pictures of the kids doing these things. Eventually Eugene got in with them and demanded a contest. He'd tell the kids what type of dive or cannon ball to do and then he'd give them a score based on how they did. It was funny. He just got in and started giving directs to them. Eugene is a very charismatic man.
Trish took a picture of my father and me together with her camera and then mine. Then Dad tried his best to take a picture of Trish, Julie, and me on a swing. He for some reason kept messing up on Trish's camera. Mine was pretty simple to take pictures with. Trish, Julie, and me talked for a little while about random things. Julie told me of how her boyfriend was such a stereotypical Mexican guy. I didn't understand at first. She told me that in his room he had a poster of the movie Scarface, a picture of Jesus, and a poster of an Easy Rider girl - half naked on a motorcycle. I laughed a little. Then she told me about how he had two arms of tattoos - one with evil images and one with good images. One of the good images was Jesus again. Now, I can see why that'd be seemingly stereotypical of a Mexican guy, but he could be so much more of a stereotype, I think. Just as she was finished talking about him, he walked up to us. I noticed an Asian symbol tattoo on his arm. "What does that mean?" I asked. I believe he said "demon" then again, I'm not 100% sure on that. Julie made fun of it. "I hate those Asian symbols on people. How the hell do they know what it means? It could say anything. ..." she said, following with a bunch of inappropriately funny things that the symbol could possibly mean.
Soon all the boys (young and old ... well, not old, just older) were in the pool. They were being boys alright. They had a ball in there with them. The object of the game was to get ahold of the ball and touch it to the rim or past the rim of the pool for 5 seconds. I don't think there was any type of a score being kept though. I just know they were working themselves awfully hard trying to get it from each other. Eventually, they asked Julie's boyfriend to join them. He refused over and over again. Then someone said jokingly, "He's got too much Mexican pride to be in here with us." They were trying to use reverse psychology, I think. Someone then pointed out my half Mexican second cousin who was in the pool with them. Someone in the pool then replied, "Yeah, but he's got Duszynski blood in him!" This made me laugh a little. Eventually Julie's boyfriend was convinced to join the men in the pool.
Eventually I went back inside to retrieve food. There was now cake set out. Apparently it was someone's birthday somewhere in the house. I have no clue whose it was though. The cake had a decent amount of frosting on it. Of course, I had a lot because of that. haha. Dad was in there with me. He had a small piece and that was it for him. I guess he doesn't like sweets that much. We talked about random things here and there. Morgan came into the kitchen and had to chase after Oswall, who kept trying to go outside. Fireworks were starting soon, so I think that's why she was making sure he didn't go out there. The boy sure was determined. He tried again and again to go outside but with Morgan in his way, he failed miserably. She then tried to distract him with food. The boy was very stubborn. With a plate of sliced hot dog, even then he refused to settle down. Morgan had earlier mentioned that Brittany wasn't there because of her. I wasn't exactly sure what she meant and I never got to find out. Too bad, I was wanting to see Brittany too.
It was finally time for fireworks. They began them pre-maturely though, I think. The sun hadn't completely set when they started them. Oh well, they weren't my fireworks. I was standing on the deck, near the pool, watching them at first. Then Trish spotted me up there and asked if I'd like to join them. I didn't want to. There were a lot of people down there. However, I forced myself to go: 1) Because people were more than likely feeling awkward about me considering most hadn't ever met me or hadn't seen me in a decade so it would be a good idea to get socialized with them. 2) I might actually like socializing once I give it a chance. 3) I might as well have said yes because if I'd changed my mind I'd have had to go down there anyway so I might as well get it out of the way.
They brought out a huge wheel barrel of fireworks. Some were for younger children and some were for lighting up the sky. Trish asked if I wanted to hold a Roman Candle. She warned me that if it backfired she wouldn't be held responsible sine I accepted. I thought that was sort of funny, but I guess she just wanted to let me know. I accepted. Even if it did backfire, I held it in a way that the candle's end wasn't facing me directly, more that it was facing past me so that it would go behind me. I made sure no one was behind me while I did this. After that I watched all the smaller kids play with sparklers while the adults and older kids lit off big fireworks that made loud exploding noises or lit up the sky with pretty colors. I was staring up at the sky contently when Al asked me to come over and set one off. I was confused. Why me? I didn't mind doing this at all, but all the people that were already up there were perfectly capable of doing so. Did he think I felt left out? As I approached the circle where they were setting them off, Roger the 3rd (known as baby Roger, even though he now looks about 13 or so) asked who I was. "She's Richie's daughter," my cousin Roger (his father) told him. Baby Roger looked confused. "She's your cousin, dummy!" said another cousin of mine. "I'm your [i]second[/i] cousin," I said confidently and smiled. He looked like this >>> 0.0 "Why haven't I ever met you before?" he asked. "You have; you were just too young to remember," said his father. "It was a very long time ago," I added before lighting off the big firework and running away before it went off. I'd never used a standard lighter before. I'd always used the long ones for candles. Nonetheless, I got it lit just fine. Trish was laying on the ground with her camcorder trying to capture the fireworks in action.
After most of the fireworks were over, I joined my dad on the deck. Coincidentally, Baby Roger was up there with him. I asked "Why were you up here the whole time?" to my dad. "I can see the fireworks just fine from up here. That way I'm not having to look up so much. It hurts my neck," he said. "I guess I see what you mean," I replied. "Uncle Richie, is she going to live with you now?" Baby Roger asked my dad. Before he could answer, I said, "Haha, no. I live in Tennessee. I came up here for the funeral and to visit my mom and dad. I'll be going back tomorrow." It was about that time my dad complained about his legs hurting and went into the house. "So are you coming back ever?" Baby Roger asked me. He seemed unusually interested. "I plan to come back soon, yeah, but I won't be able to come until Christmas time if my mom doesn't have enough money in August," I said before joining my dad in the house.
I was tired too. Even though I hadn't done any physical kind of work, I was exhausted from socializing. Socializing always tires me out actually. That's what I get for being introverted. My dad said we could go to his house for the night whenever I wanted. I told him I wanted to say goodbye to people before we left. I went off to find Trish first since she's always difficult to find. Like I predicted, she was difficult to find. While I searched for her, I ran into Pam (my cousin Roger's wife) and she bid me a farewell. I ran into Julie who gave me a hug and said goodbye. She explained that even though she was coming home to my dad's house to sleep as well, it would be much, much later and that I'd probably be asleep by then. I found Trish, who had been socializing somewhere, and she hugged me and said something very sweet, "I know this sounds corny, but I have had such a good time with you, I really have. And I hope to see you again very soon." The last person I hugged goodbye was Eugene. I was afraid to hug him too tight because he looked wet from earlier, but he turned out not to be. He said something nice too, but I can't remember exactly what he said, but I'll try, "It has been a pleasure and you are more than welcome to see us again soon." Tylor, Abby, and Baby Roger waved while shouting, "BYE!!!" ... There was one person who asked what airport I was going to, but I honestly cannot remember who the hell it was. I just remember that after I told them I was going to Midway, they said, "Good, because O'Hare is a pain the ass!"
I was tired when I got to my dad's house, however, I didn't want spending time with him to end. I lied and told him I wasn't tired at all. He agreed to watch some TV with me. My father pretty much only watches sports or poker shows, aside from Western movies. I tried to find something that would sort of be a compromise but it just wasn't happening that night. Even though I wasn't in the mood to watch poker (especially since I'd prefer to play it MUCH more than watch it), I agreed happily to watching it and tried to get interested. After about a hour, my dad suggested we go to sleep since we both had to get up super early. I agreed fully since the sleepiness was starting to get to me. I slept on the couch, even though Julie had offered a bed. I honestly didn't care. The couch was very comfortable so I saw no reason to take the bed.
Going Home
I got up at 4:30 a.m. Yes, that's right, 4:30 a.m. My flight was at 7:00 a.m. I should be at the airport a hour early to make sure I get through security and check-in on time. It takes about 45 minutes to an hour to get to Chicago from north west Indiana. Do the math. We needed to leave at 5:00 a.m. This gave me a half hour to get ready. With a tap on my leg, my dad woke me up. Normally, any other time I'd have to wake up early like that, I'd moan and groan but considering it was extremely important that I get on my plane in time, I made no fuss about it. I simply got up with an agonizing headache and put my pillows where I found them. Then headed to the bathroom to change into my dress that I'd worn to the funeral. I didn't want to get searched again because of my chain decorated pants so I wore the dress. I brushed my hair and teeth. There wasn't much else to do so I was good to go. Then it was my dad's turn to get ready. He took about the same amount of time. Then we were off.
For it being about 5:00 a.m. outside, it was surprisingly daylight out. I was expecting darkness still. Dew covered every surface still, as the sun had not yet dried it up. Dad and I were both tired. Perhaps we're alike in this way, but neither of us spoke for a very long time. I hate talking when I'm tired. I hate music when I'm tired too. Dad didn't even think about putting the radio on. Fog was thick on the expressway. Signs were difficult to see until we came right up on them. Hopefully, Dad had better eyes than me.
When we got to the airport, he'd turned into the wrong place for unloading. He'd gone where buses and taxies go. He had to turn around and find where departures and arrivals go. He quickly found the gate for Delta Airlines. He gave me a hug and said he hoped to see me in August if everything went as planned.
Luckily, the line for Delta Airlines was extremely short. There were only two people in front of me when I got there. Security was extremely easy to get through. It took me a total of 15 minutes to get through that. I got to my departure area about 40 minutes early. That's good, I guess. It's MUCH better than being there two seconds before the plane took off.
Something extremely annoying happened whenever I got on the plane. I could barely fit my fat ass in the seat, then I couldn't even get my seat belt buckled. Seriously, the farthest the end would reach the other was about 3 or 4 inches away. It didn't matter how much I pushed down my stomach or sides. I was even willing to be in pain in order to get it buckled, but no matter how much I wiggled or adjusted myself, it wasn't going to happen. I swear, for how many damn obese people we have in the United States, they really should make bigger seats. The thing was, I saw a few people who were definitely fatter than me get on the plane so I have no clue how they handled it. I suppose they did just as I did, which was to not say a damn thing about it and ignore the stewardesses when they told us to buckle them. It was a two hour flight. It was annoying because the seat I was in was so uncomfortable I couldn't even rest enough to get some sleep.
Being back in the Atlanta airport again was a bit easier the second time around since I knew how the place worked. I quickly found the underground train and got to lettered area I need to be in, then found which departure area I needed to be in. My head felt awful. Lack of sleep and rushing around an airport do not mix. While I waited until it was time to board the plane, a family was looking miserable near me. The wife came back to the husband to inform him that they could've been on a flight sooner and that the lady had failed to tell them that. The husband got furious and started shouting at the woman at the counter that was in charge of the area next to the one I was at. They bickered back and forth and soon the man backed down because security came and stood next to the woman. He proclaimed that he'd never use Delta Airlines again. Apparently, they'd been waiting there all day for a flight and the woman was supposed to have let them know when one was available. I'm pretty sure that woman isn't obligated to do that though.
My second plane was smaller than the other I'd previous been on, but the seats weren't as snug and I could get my seat belt fastened pretty easily. The plane was pretty empty. I'd say about half of the seats were unoccupied. Because of this, people were pretty much allowed to sit where ever they wanted rather than being pressed up against some stranger. I moved to another seat because I had been pressed up against a man who barely spoke English. It wasn't the fact that he couldn't speak English that bothered me, it was that he kept saying things to me and I felt bad not knowing what to say back to him. He was using English to say things, but his accent was so very thick that I honestly couldn't make out what he was trying to say. Hopefully I didn't hurt his feelings.
Our plane was going to leave on time when all of a sudden we stopped. The plane turned around and went away from the take-off area. What the hell? After a few minutes, the pilot actually came from the cockpit and told us that there was something wrong with the plane and that men were coming to work on it. ... Yeah, that made me feel great. I love being on broken planes. It makes me feel super at ease. (all of that is sarcasm, of course) We had to wait an hour before the plane could take off. I felt very uneasy. I was terrified at the thought that the plane could mess up again while in flight. The stewardess was nice enough to let me use her cellphone to call Joseph (who was taking Jon and Justin to come pick me up at the Tri-Cities airport).
Luckily, the flight went by quickly. It only took us 45 minutes to get there as opposed to the estimated hour. I sighed in relief to be back in Tennessee and to not be on a plane anymore. I called Joseph on a payphone and waited outside for them to arrive. I smiled big whenever I saw Joseph's car pull up with them inside. I rushed to the backseat and got in to hug my boyfriend. I was glad to be home again.
current mood:  accomplished
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| Saturday, June 20th, 2009
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3:09 pm - "Gayness"
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Let's start at the beginning.
Jon = a very good friend of ours whom is gay
Joseph = another good friend of ours whom is gay
Jon + Joseph = gay couple
Bruce and Hunter = they're brothers and Jon's cousins
Bruce and Hunter are forbidden to visit Jon and Joseph. Why? Because their father actually believes that visiting them will turn his sons gay. Not only is that idea of "turning someone gay" ridiculous in the first place, but the fact is that Jon is their cousin. However, even if Jon wasn't related by blood to them, they're still friends. Let me tell you, Jon and Joseph would NEVER try to "turn someone gay." They wouldn't even think about hitting on a random guy whom is straight, let alone friends of theirs who are straight.
These facts and this logic cannot be penetrated into Bruce and Hunter's father's thick skull.
What makes even littler sense is that they think that my boyfriend Justin is straight while he's with me alone, but whenever Jon and Joseph come over he suddenly turns gay and does "gay things" with them. So I guess they believe in the ability that a person can spontaniously change their sexual preference back and forth. Now, I'm bisexual, but that's entirely different. I'm attracted to men and women all the time, there's no going back and forth. *sigh* The ignorance of these people infuriates me to no end.
Now that we've covered that, I shall get to why Bruce and Hunter got in trouble.
They told their parents that they were spending the night with Justin and me last weekend. They do this quite often so it is believable. Although, I don't understand why it is okay for them to visit Justin when he's "capable of turning gay on impulse" but not be able to visit Jon and Joseph. Anyway, instead of spending the night at our place, they wanted to spend the night at Jon and Joseph's for once. They hadn't spent the night at Jon and Joseph's place in MONTHS, okay. Yet this one particular weekend, their parents decide to make an unexpected visit to our place looking for Bruce and Hunter. Of course, they weren't there. Being unprepared to make up a lie or even some sort of excuse as to why Bruce and Hunter weren't there for the moment, their parents found out the truth.
Of all the odds, the thing was that their parents have no phone so they had no way of contacting Bruce and Hunter other than driving out to see them. The truck Bruce was driving apparently had two bunnies in it that someone had captured and put in there to be released into the wild later and away from places where people drive around. Bruce not knowing about this had taken the truck without inquiring about it, like he always does when he comes to visit us. Their parents were afraid the poor things would die in the truck if Bruce and Hunter hadn't noticed them.
At the moment, their mother, who had come up to our door alone while their father sat in the car, didn't say anything. Although, she was probably thinking about how much trouble Bruce and Hunter would be in, she didn't voice this at all. She simply told us to find Bruce and Hunter and make sure the bunnies got out somewhere safe.
By the way, there were two bunnies in their truck. They were adorable and were released into a big open field just outside of a farm.
Anyway, after the weekend, Bruce and Hunter went home to be scolded for seeing Jon and Joseph and at first were to be punished by not being able to go to Justin's birthday celebration. However, Bruce was able to convince them to let them go by the time Justin's birthday came about a few days later. The thing was that Bruce and Hunter couldn't stay for very long. They'd originally planned to spend the night on Justin's birthday but were told to be back home by 9 p.m., which for them is much shorter than usual.
At least Justin got to see them, right? And the "gayness" lives on.
current mood:  discontent
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| Wednesday, June 10th, 2009
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6:28 pm - ANNOYING NEIGHBORS!!!
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Note: This entry was posted somewhere else that doesn't allow cursing so that's why there are asterisks in the curse words.
I have had enough. I really, truly have. I've had enough of the loud music that vibrates our apartment. I've had enough of their little bratty kids messing with our mailboxes. I've had enough of their bratty kids making a sh*tload of noise. I've had enough of their parties. I've had enough of their garbage being scattered cross where our trash cans are because they failed to read about how the garbage men will not pick up trash unless it is in the cans. I've had enough of them blocking our car.
I've had enough.
Today, as I was just leaving for work, our apartment was hit with loud bass coming from upstairs. That would be apartment #2 whom is the most troublesome of our neighbors. The bass was actually vibrating things in our apartment. I'd called the landlord on them many times before. I'd called the cops on them many times before.
What part of OTHER PEOPLE LIVE THERE can they not get through their thick skulls? I am so godd*mn tired of this bullsh*t.
Anyway, I had to get to work. My boyfriend couldn't handle it though. He went over to apartment #2 and left a note explaining to them that we wish they'd just be respectful of their neighbors and that it is sort of obvious that other people live in the same building as them. He nicely asked them to turn the music down.
A woman from that apartment came over and spewed some grade-A bullsh*t. She told my boyfriend that we were ruining their time. WHAT?! What the f*ck?! Ruining their time? I DON'T GIVE A RAT'S A$$ IF WE'RE RUINING THEIR TIME. It doesn't not take a f*cking genius to figure out that you are not supposed to have things interfere with neighbors. Not only is it in the lease, it's a common courtesy. He told the woman that if we'd had ever been loud he'd gladly turn down the volume for them and that we wouldn't have a "good time" if we knew our volume was bothering someone else. The woman then proceeded to complain about all the reporting we've done on them. She said she didn't appreciate that we've called the cops on them and called the landlord. She said she'd prefer if we just came over and asked for the volume to be turned down. >.< No, no, no. It SHOULDN'T happen in the first place. I should not have to leave my apartment in order to deal with drunken idiots who are usually over there partying. They should have common sense enough in the first place to know not to have their music that godd*mn loud. I know even if we did go over there and ask them to turn it down, we'd get sh*t about it every time. We'd get some bullsh*t about how we're ruining their "good time," every time. And it would continue to happen over and over again anyway. So I might as well report their a$$es so that when the final straw has finally come, the landlord can kick their pesky a$$es out.
I am so frustrated, annoyed, and most of all PISSED OFF right now. When I get home, I'm calling the landlord and I'm going to tell him that if they don't change their ways, we're leaving the first chance we can get. And I KNOW the landlord doesn't want to lose us. We pay him in full for months at a time. Whenever we get financial aid, we hand over about a $1,000 for several months worth of rent. We're the GOOD tenants. I'm sure he's not going to be pleased with the LITER they've scattered about the lawn. Seriously, beer cans galore outside. Trash that their brats have left behind. And now there's a heeping pile of trash near the trash cans because they left their garbage bags outside of the cans. Animals have obviously torn the bags open and had a grand ol' time. The garbage men will not clean that up. ALL garbage has to be in the cans for them to pick it up. You know who's going to clean it up? NOT THEM! Their lazy-a$$es probably don't give a damn about the fact that they're littering.
>.< I'm stuck at work, but so help me, my wrath will be unleashed when I get home.
current mood:  pissed off
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| Saturday, February 28th, 2009
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3:51 pm - Bugs in red food coloring
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Taken from MSN.com
You're Eating … What?
You're Eating … What? // Strawberry yogurt (© Lenora Gim/Getty Images)
By Sally Wadyka for MSN Health & Fitness
Want some dead bugs with your dinner? Well, that's just one of the freaky ingredients involved in making some popular processed foods. And while all seven of these sound incredibly icky—though presumably used to help make your food tastier or look better—some additives are decidedly more disturbing than others. Here's what you're eating—which may inspire you to start contemplating those ingredient labels a lot more closely.
Carmine
According to the FDA, this red food coloring (also known as cochineal extract) is made from dried, ground bugs . The Dactylopius coccus costa insect is native to Peru and the Canary Islands, where it feeds on red berries. The berries accumulate in the females' stomachs and in their unhatched larvae—which is what gives the extract its red coloring. Carmine is one of the most widely used coloring agents, and food manufacturers routinely use it to turn foods shades of pink, red or purple. Chances are it's what makes the color of your strawberry yogurt or that cranberry drink look so appealing.
But the problem is that at the moment, you have no way of knowing if you're ingesting these little red bugs. Instead, the label will simply read, "artificial color" or "color added." But the Vegetarian Legal Action Network petitioned the FDA to disclose the presence of carmine, and in 2010, that requirement will go into effect. "But it will still be listed only as carmine or cochineal extract, with no mention of the ingredient's source," says Michael Jacobson, Ph.D., executive director of the Center for Science in the Public Interest. "The onus will be on the consumer to know what carmine is, and that's asking a lot."
current mood: curious
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| Thursday, February 19th, 2009
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4:59 am - Scary Experience
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So my boyfriend and I went grocery shopping earlier on and we got home at about 7:20 p.m. or so. We walked in and put the load of groceries down. He said he'd go get the rest out of the car and so I began putting things away. I heard Justin's voice outside our front door, and I thought "Oh, he must need help and can't open the door." So I go back to let him in and there's some crazy looking lady outside talking to him. When I opened the door, she actually started to step forward like I was letting her in. Annoyed, I was like "Who are you looking for?" She said, "Bobby." I quickly said "We don't know anyone named that. Sorry." and closed the door behind Justin. She smelled awful, like alcohol and filth. After we put all the groceries away, I looked outside and even went outside (because my car's interior light was left on) and she was no where to be seen.
About 45 minutes pass ...
I was just chilling on the couch and relaxing when I heard a weird noise. It sounded like it was coming from outside. Like something or someone fell off the porch. Justin said it sounded like the people upstairs but even the cats where staring at the front door. Hoping that Justin was actually right, I waited and listened. Then I happened to look over at Nimbus (one of our cats) and he was staring at the window behind me with a very frightened expression on his face. I was actually scared to look out the window behind me. I did NOT want it to be like a goddamn horror movie where I see a scary, dark figure in the window. Justin said that no one could see in here anyway because of the blinds being shut. So for a moment I shrugged off Nimbus's frightened look but then we hear thrashing about and banging on our window. We hear a woman curse out "Shit!" as if she hurt herself. We didn't know if this crazy woman was trying to rip the air conditioner out of the window or just break the window open. Justin started to say something but I interrupted with "I'm calling the cops." He said he was just about to suggest that. So I gave a description of the woman to the 911 operator. She was white, blonde, and wearing a dark puffy coat. Of course, I mentioned the intoxication. They didn't ask about her age, but she looked to be in her late 30's or early 40's.
So we wait for the cops. During that time, our door knob jiggles as if someone were trying to come in. "That bitch is trying to break in here!" I whisper to Justin. Obviously, the woman was still convinced that the person she was looking for lived here. And it was apparent that she was so fucking messed up in the head that she tried opening the locked door multiple times as if she were expecting it to be unlocked each try. By then, we were getting scared. Drunk people scare us enough, let alone drunkasses who try to break into our apartment. She could've had a gun or knife for all we knew. I was preparing for the worst in my mind and grabbed a hammer (the only thing in our apartment that's close to a weapon). If the bitch had actually broken in, I would've been forced to use it. Lastly, she went to our kitchen window and started banging on it. Justin actually went into the kitchen and saw her with her arms up in the air and pressed against the glass. He said it actually looked like something you'd see in a horror movie. She didn't even care that he saw her. She just stayed like that. A few more times she banged on the window hard. "So help me, if I hear glass break, I'm grabbing the cats, putting them in the bathroom then taking this hammer to that bitch if I have to!" I said, as I started to really breathe heavily now.
FINALLY, the goddamn cops showed up. What seemed like way too fucking long, was actually a matter of probably 5 minutes or 10 minutes tops. We overheard that drunken woman argue with the cop, but eventually she was cuffed and taken away. The cops for some reason searched our yard for something before leaving.
Justin and I agreed that was our most scary experience as far as that sort of stuff goes.
current mood:  distressed
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| Friday, January 9th, 2009
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11:28 pm - Dumb church sign
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What the fuck? A direct goddamn shot at us. This is a picture of a church sign that's a few streets away from our apartment. The dumbasses don't even know how to spell ATHEIST.
Jee, so this is what it's like to not exist. Justin doesn't exist either. Or all the members of the Atheist & Free Thought Club at ETSU. Or Joe aka formerly known as Californian guy. Or my former philosophy teacher Paul Tudico. Or the actor Ian McKellen (the dude that played Gandalf in the LOTR movies). Or Seth MacFarlene (creator of Family Guy and American Dad). The list can go so far on. I'm just glad to fucking know we don't exist.
current mood: offended
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| Thursday, January 1st, 2009
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11:17 pm - 2008 Ending
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Stayed single almost the whole year?
I was taken the entire year by my beloved Justin.
Kissed someone new?
Nope
Done something you've regretted?
I have no regrets.
What was the last thing you said aloud?
"Okay" to Justin
Lost someone?
As far as friends and family? Not this year.
Cut class?
Yep, but that's a common thing in college.
Were involved in something you'll never forget?
I've had a lot of laughs with my friends and Justin. There are plenty of moments I won't forget for a long time.
Visited a different country?
I wish.
Cooked a gross meal?
Uh, why would I do that?
Lost something important to you?
Thankfully, I hadn't lost anything too important.
Tripped over a coffee table?
No
Dyed your hair?
A few times, yes. :-D
Came close to losing your life?
Oh gosh, at the beginning of December I seriously felt like I was dying at one point, but obviously I'm okay.
Went to a party?
No
Read a great book?
I read some mangas.
Saw one of your favorite bands/artists live?
I wish.
2008: Friends and Enemies
Did you meet any new friends this year?
Yes, I'd call Sachiho a friend. I've made a few acquaintances too but ... well, some never made it to friendship and I doubt they ever will.
Did you dislike anyone?
Of course. There are quite a few idiots at ETSU, as to be expected anywhere.
Did you grow apart from anyone?
*sigh* Yeah, and I fear that soon the friendship I'm talking about will soon end due to two-states-away distance that's pulling it apart.
Do you have any regrets when it comes to your friendships?
I have no regrets.
2008: Your BIRTHDAY!
When is your birthday?
February 14th
Did you have a cake?
Actually no
Did you have a party?
We had ... a day of spending time together with a group of friends.
Did you get any presents?
Yeah, a fair few. :)
2008: All about YOU
Did you change at all this year?
I understand college life better now.
Did you get your hair cut?
HELL NO!
Did you change your style?
Nope
Were you in school?
Yep
Did you get good grades?
Meh ... I could've done better and I will next semester. :-D
Did you have a job?
For most of the year, yeah. I worked at Wal-Mart until March, then I worked at Family Dollar until the end of August when I started classes at ETSU.
Did you drive?
Uh, yeah, I've been driving since I was 15.
Did anyone close to you give birth?
No
Did you move at all?
No
Did you go on any vacations?
Haha, no
Would you change anything about yourself now?
I wish I weren't sick!!!
2008: Wrap UP:
Was 2008 a good year?
It was decent year. Nothing life-changing happened for the worst. Then again, nothing life-changing happened for the better either other than I got into ETSU.
Do you think 2009 will top 2008?
I have no idea. I hope so.
current mood: sick
current music: "Ice Queen" by Within Temptation
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, November 5th, 2008
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2:34 am - Writer's Block: Secret Ballot
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There wasn't a long line actually. I live in Johnson City, TN. It's a decent sized city, but it isn't anywhere near as big as someplace like Nashville or Memphis. There are about a dozen or so places to vote in this city. I think that's why there wasn't any lines. I had to go to two different voting areas because my boyfriend had to vote at a different place than I did. Neither of them had long lines, in fact, at the one I went to there was like three other people in the voting room (besides the people running it). There weren't any "I voted" stickers or pins, sadly. I wanted one! There was a little old man standing outside passing out pamphlets about Roe. Of course, we recycled them because we're for the Democrat party. Plus, even if he was handing out pamphlets for Obama, that's a little silly. Anyone who has made it to the voting place has already made up their mind. Overall, it wasn't really a hassle.
current mood: accomplished
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| Saturday, November 1st, 2008
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3:37 am - Fight the Smears
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THIS NOTE IS PUBLIC. SPREAD THIS INFORMATION AROUND, AND GO VOTE, PLEASE!
For all of you still worried over what you've read in some chain email or heard on FOX news or something:
http://www.fightthesmears.com/
The Truth About Barack’s Faith
Barack Obama is a committed Christian. He was sworn into the Senate on his family Bible. He has regularly attended church with his wife and daughters for years.
But shameful, shadowy attackers have been lying about Barack’s religion, claiming he is a Muslim instead of a committed Christian. When people fabricate stories about someone’s faith to denigrate them politically, that’s an attack on people of all faiths.
Make sure everyone you know is aware of this deception.
The Truth about Barack Obama and William Ayers
Smear groups and now a desperate McCain campaign are trying to connect Barack to William Ayers using age-old guilt by association techniques. Here’s the truth: the smear associating Barack to Ayers is “phony,” “tenuous,” – even “exaggerated at best if not outright false.”
William Ayers is a professor of education at the University of Illinois at Chicago, with whom Barack served on the board of an education-reform organization in the mid-1990’s. According to the Associated Press, they are not close: “No evidence shows they were “pals” or even close when they worked on community boards years ago …”
Smear groups and the McCain campaign are trying to connect Obama to acts Ayers committed 40 years ago – when Barack was just eight years old. Here’s what the New York Times reported on the connection:
But the two men do not appear to have been close. Nor has Mr. Obama ever expressed sympathy for the radical views and actions of Mr. Ayers, whom he has called “somebody who engaged in detestable acts 40 years ago, when I was 8.”
Barack has publicly denounced Ayers’ radical actions from the 1960’s:
Senator Obama strongly condemns the violent actions of the Weathermen group, as he does all acts of violence. But he was an eight-year-old child when Ayers and the Weathermen were active, and any attempt to connect Obama with events of almost forty years ago is ridiculous.
Barack Obama Never Organized with ACORN
Discredited Republican voter-suppression guru Ken Blackwell is attacking Barack Obama with naked lies about his supposed connection to ACORN.
• Fact: Barack was never an ACORN community organizer.
• Fact: ACORN never hired Obama as a trainer, organizer, or any type of employee.
• Fact: ACORN was not part of Project Vote, the successful voter registration drive Barack ran in 1992.
In his capacity as an attorney, Barack represented ACORN in a successful lawsuit alongside the U.S. Department of Justice against the state of Illinois to force state compliance with a federal voting access law. For his work helping enforce the law, called “Motor Voter,” Barack received the IVI-IPO Legal Eagle Award in 1995. (For more about Barack’s career, check out our Obama bio.)
Ken Blackwell is best known today for disenfranchising Democratic voters in his dual role as Ohio Secretary of State and chair of George Bush’s Ohio campaign in 2004. To see him shed crocodile tears for the integrity of the vote while making accusations about Barack and ACORN with absolutely no basis in fact is disturbing.
Blackwell’s attacks against ACORN and community organizers continue a vile Republican pattern of mockery and viciousness against this noble profession. Community organizers are the very individuals Republicans should be celebrating for helping people to help themselves rather than depending on the government.
Know your rights: campaign gear and the polls
Any registered voter who meets his or her state’s requirements to vote has the right to cast a ballot at the polls on Election Day.
It is true that in some states, like Nebraska, Virginia, and New York, wearing campaign gear is not allowed at the polls. But no matter what, your vote cannot be taken away from you. At most, you will have to take off a button or put a jacket over a T-shirt. You will still be allowed to vote. Check with your state’s Secretary of State’s office to learn more.
Political experts are already calling deceptive email rumors to the contrary for what they are — shadowy, harmful voter suppression techniques:
Larry Sabato, director of the University of Virginia Center for Politics, called the barrage of e-mails “a dirty trick” aimed at suppressing Democratic voters.
“It is terribly wrong,” Sabato said. “Tragically, it is all too common. One would hope the people responsible could be caught and prosecuted.”
Since different states have different rules, you should direct any questions to your state’s Secretary of State or county election officials. Election officials in Kentucky, Pennsylvania, and North Carolina have already issued statements reaffirming that wearing campaign gear will not keep anyone from voting.
Don’t let these email rumors keep you from voting or showing your support for Barack.
Still skeptical? Still concerned? READ THE TRUTH.
http://www.fightthesmears.com/
current mood: cold
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| Friday, October 24th, 2008
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1:45 pm - For all of your atheist questioning needs
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This was found at: atheist-community.org
Personal lives
* Don't atheists have basically empty, meaningless lives, when they don't believe that there is any higher power out there?
* What kind of horrible experience did you have that caused you to become an atheist?
* What do you think happens to you when you die?
* Aren't you afraid that you'll go to hell?
* How can anyone possibly be moral without believing in God?
Simple misunderstandings
* Do you hate God?
* You guys believe there is no God, but you can't prove that there isn't. So being an atheist obviously requires at least as much faith as being a Christian.
* What's the difference between an atheist and an agnostic?
* Admit it, isn't atheism just another religion?
Atheism and Politics
* America is a Christian nation.
* Aren't all atheists Communists (or vice versa)?
* What is your deal with evolution? Why do you support it so strongly? Why shouldn't we teach creationism in school as an "alternative" to evolution?
* You know what they say—there are no atheists in foxholes!
Arguments for belief in God
* What is Pascal's Wager?
* What is the Argument From Design /the Watchmaker Argument?
Q: Don't atheists have basically empty, meaningless lives, when they don't believe that there is any higher power out there?
A: Nope. We don't think that the world is an empty, meaningless place, even though we don't think a god designed it. We think the world is a fascinating, wonderful, interesting place, and we enjoy living in it. Now, you may think that it's impossible to "really" enjoy this world without believing of God as the designer. We don't feel that way.
Suppose you are walking in a beautiful garden with a friend, and your friend says, "I heard there are fairies living in this garden!" You tell your friend that don't see any fairies, and you don't see any particular reason to believe that these fairies are there. You are just enjoying the garden. But your friend insists: "How can you enjoy this place if you don't believe in fairies?"
Unless you're a little kid, you would probably feel that your friend missed the point. Here you are, enjoying a nice day and great scenery, and your friend is trying to convince you to stop enjoying the garden the way it really is. He is telling you that you have to make something up, which isn't real as far as you can see, or else you don't have as much of an appreciation of the garden as he does.
In fact it is probably the other way around. It's a fine thing to have an imagination, but it seems like your friend is cheapening the experience, because he can't just enjoy something beautiful for its own sake.
The world has a lot of things to enjoy in it. Food, music, a well-told story, romance, sex, physical activity, the outdoors, the feeling of solving a difficult puzzle... just to name a few. These are things that most people enjoy on a day-to-day basis. And we don't appreciate the world around us any less for not thinking that those things come from God.
Also, it's not like there are no mysterious unknowns or "greater forces" right here in the physical universe. Most likely we will never know everything there is to know about this vast universe or our past. Who really understands quantum mechanics? Are there parallel universes out there? Are they accessible to us? Is time travel possible? Can we find a better way to generate our own energy before our sun burns out billions of years from now? These are all very big mysteries. One of life's great pleasures is applying your mind to solving hard questions like these. Learning is fun. Knowledge is fun. So it seems likely that we will never run out of things to enjoy in that sense.
You may have plenty of good reasons for believing in God, but if you think it's bad to be an atheist because atheists lead a cold, barren, loveless, uninteresting life, you are really kidding yourself.
Q: What kind of horrible experience did you have that caused you to become an atheist?
A: Mostly, we didn't. This is a common misconception among Christians... they assume that everyone believes in God, and that people who pretend not to believe must have had a traumatic experience that made them hate God (see below). Commonly it is assumed that an atheist must have, say, prayed to God and not been answered, or had a loved one die, and then renounced God in anger.
In reality, few people come to their atheism that way; and those who do usually don't stay atheist for very long. In the majority of cases, you'll find that atheists have thought very hard about their belief in God, and found that it just doesn't hang together logically. A great many atheists were raised in a religious household and decided, after much inner struggle, that they just couldn't continue to take their faith seriously. A few were brought up in atheist households and taught to think about the world and question conventional wisdom.
Ironically, many evangelists use their own stories of traumatic events as a way of convincing people to find religion. Often you will hear stories of how a person had "hit rock bottom", was perpetually drunk and unemployed and had no hope for the future, and that's when they found the Lord. While they dismiss us by saying that we must have become atheists for dramatic emotional reasons, they use the same techniques to recruit new parishioners.
Q: What do you think happens to you when you die?
A: Just in case there are any misconceptions about this, most serious atheists don't believe in reincarnation or spirits any more than we believe in hell. What defines "you" is what you think and feel, and how you interact with the universe. When this stops happening, you're not you anymore. So you simply stop existing.
If this idea scares you, think about all the millions of years that passed before you were born. Do you remember it? Was that scary? Interestingly enough, the fate that Christians find so inconceivable -- complete nonexistence -- is regarded by Buddhists as the best possible outcome for your life ("Nirvana").
Some people take this a step further and argue this way: "The first law of thermodynamics says that matter and energy cannot be created or destroyed. Since life is a form of energy, it must go somewhere." We don't see life as a self-contained form of energy. It's more of a process that matter and energy goes through.
Some people find this idea disturbing. They really want to be around forever. We all would. But realizing that you won't be around forever makes this life seem more valuable in a way. Since you only get one shot, it's important to do the best you can to be happy and make others happy before you're done.
Q: Aren't you afraid that you'll go to hell?
A: Not really. Since we don't believe that hell exists, we're not expecting to go there. What if we're wrong, is this a big gamble? That's essentially a simple formulation of Pascal's Wager. See that question below.
Q: How can anyone possibly be moral without believing in God?
A: Pretty much the same way that anyone else can be moral: by considering their actions, weighing the consequences, and deciding whether they are doing more harm than good to themselves and other people.
Despite what evangelists tell you, the threat of hell is not what stops most people from, say, going on a mass-murdering spree. Even if there was no hell, there are still bad consequences for bad behavior. Our society has laws that threaten criminals with fines, imprisonment and sometimes death. And even if those laws didn't exist, there would still be the threat of punishment from other sources. For instance, if you commit a murder, the victim's family and friends might come looking for revenge. Nobody likes to be taken advantage of. The justice system just makes the whole process a little more orderly, which is a good thing.
However, it seems like the threat of punishment and the promise of rewards is not really the only thing that keeps people from being bad. With or without religion, people don't like to be hurt, and they usually recognize that other people getting hurt is a similarly undesirable thing. Jesus didn't invent the principle of treating others the way you would like to be treated; it was around for centuries before. When people are in danger of being mistreated, they seek out protection through cooperation and relationships. Society is simply a much larger extension of those relationships.
With rare exceptions, people (atheists included) don't really have the urge or desire to run out and kill or steal or otherwise harm other people. And honestly, when people say "If it weren't for God holding me back, there would be nothing to stop me from being a criminal", we worry about them. If your grasp of right and wrong is so shaky that you can't stop yourself from doing bad things, and you need someone threatening you with eternal punishment to keep you in line, then we wonder how safe you really are to be near.
Further reading:
* The Human Basis Of Laws And Ethics
Q: Do you hate God?
A: Nope. We don't hate Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy or Darth Vader either. Remember, atheists do not believe God exists. Hating a nonexistent being is rather a waste of time.
Q: You guys believe there is no God, but you can't prove that there isn't. So being an atheist obviously requires at least as much faith as being a Christian.
A: This assumption is rooted in the elementary logical fallacy that two opposite things--belief and disbelief--are actually the same thing. A basic tenet of logic is that anyone making a positive claim bears the burden of proof for that claim. For example, in a court of law the lawyers for the prosecution bear the burden of proof, because they are making the positive claim that the defendant has committed a crime.
To take a skeptical position regarding an extraordinary claim for which one has not been provided with compelling evidence is not an act of faith; it is simple common sense. Here is an analogous situation: supposedly, as a Christian, you do not believe in the Roman or Aztec gods. Is it just as much an "act of faith" on your part not to believe in those gods as it was for the Romans and Aztecs to believe in them? If a man walks up to you and says he has an invisible magic elf sitting on his head, do you automatically believe his claim? If not, is it an "act of faith" on your part not to? Or are you simply responding to the claim with common sense and skepticism because the man has failed to provide you with adequate evidence for his elf? Choosing not to believe in something when you have no reason to believe in that thing is not an act of faith, it is just the smart thing to do.
Finally, one can turn to the Bible's definition of faith--the "substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen"--to see that this is a definition that excludes disbelief. So if you still don't agree with us that atheism is not a faith, then check your Bibles.
Q: What's the difference between an atheist and an agnostic?
A: It has to do with the difference between what you believe and what you think you can prove. For any particular god that you can imagine, a "theist" is one who has a belief in that god. An "atheist" is one who does not have a belief in the god. A "gnostic" is one who believes that the god can be proved to exist, and an "agnostic" is one who believes that the god cannot be proved to exist.
Notice that the terms "atheist" and "agnostic", by these definitions, are not mutually exclusive. You could be an agnostic atheist, meaning you don't think one can prove the existence or nonexistence of gods, but you don't choose to believe in one without further proof. Many people assume that atheists believe that gods can be proved not to exist, but this isn't strictly true and there is no word to describe this. You could call such a person an "untheist", perhaps. Or, you could just call such a person a "gnostic atheist", one who doesn't believe in a god and thinks that his non-belief can be proved.
So there are four possible ways one could be.
1. Agnostic-Theist: believes god exists, but it can't be proved
2. Gnostic-Theist: believes it can be proved that gods exist
3. Agnostic-Atheist: does not believe god exists, but it can't be proved
4. Gnostic-Atheist: believes it can be proved that god does not exist
Case 3 is sometimes referred to as "weak atheism" and case 4 is sometimes referred to as "strong atheism". Only strong atheism positively asserts that there are no gods.
Q: Admit it, isn't atheism just another religion?
A: The website Dictionary.com gives the following definition of "religion."
1.
1. Belief in and reverence for a supernatural power or powers regarded as creator and governor of the universe.
2. A personal or institutionalized system grounded in such belief and worship.
2. The life or condition of a person in a religious order.
3. A set of beliefs, values, and practices based on the teachings of a spiritual leader.
4. A cause, a principle, or an activity pursued with zeal or conscientious devotion.
Clearly, definitions 1-3 do not apply to atheists since we reject the notions of supernatural powers and spiritual leaders. Definition 4 could possibly apply to atheists, but then, it could also apply to a bowling league or a Britney Spears fan club. The claim that atheism is a religion is generally made by Christians who have been religious all their lives and thus cannot conceive of anyone not having some kind of religion as an integral part of their lives.
It's instructive to point out that theism is not a religion either. Theism simply has to do with believing in a god, which one can very easily do without engaging in any sort of religious activity—to wit, the practice of worshipping that god. A person who believes a deity or higher power exists, but never in his life sees fit to go to a church or pray or partake in any kind of practice designed to worship or revere that deity, would be theistic, but not religious.
Atheism, which is about not believing in god(s), and theism, which is about believing in god(s), are philosophical or theological points of view, but they are not religions.
Q: America is a Christian nation.
A: The myth of a "Christian" United States goes something like this:
Christians seeking religious freedom founded our nation as a place where they could properly obey god's law. The Puritans and others founded biblical law settlements that established a Christian colonial culture. Christian leaders and ideals thus generated the American Revolution, our Constitutional democracy of personal freedom, and everything else that made our nation great. Bad things now happen because we have fallen away from our founders' Christian values. America now needs religion in government and laws promoting religion so we can restore our lost Golden Age of Christian Faith.
Like most religious traditions, the evidence fails to support this Golden Age myth.
Puritan heritage is nothing anyone should be proud of or wish to restore. The Puritans came to the colonies to establish a religious tyranny. As a state church, Puritans oppressed other religions like they had been oppressed in England. They wanted religious freedom only in the sense that they wanted the freedom to practice their Puritanism and to punish or banish all other religious beliefs. Only Puritan Congregationalist churches were allowed. Baptists, Quakers, Presbyterians, Catholics and others were banished, often with a death sentence if they returned. Puritans punished even minor "impious" behavior, and they killed 25+ people as witches. America's colonial Christians were an undemocratic minority that opposed freedom of conscience and denied political rights based on religious beliefs.
The actions of the Constitution's authors at the 1787 Convention best reveal their thoughts and intent regarding religion. They avoided attempts to insert worship into their deliberations, keeping religious activities separate from the process of creating our government. If no religion at the Constitutional Convention was good enough for our founders, it should be good enough for all public officials in the execution of their duties.
Our founders created a secular government based on freethinking political philosophies. Our founders' Constitution is a stunning rejection of government under god. Only the Constitution establishes our government, not any other document with pious words, such as the Declaration of Independence, Mayflower Act etc. The Constitution ignores god, except for the date, "in the year of our Lord." "We the People," not god, is the authority for our government. The Constitution prohibits any religious test for national office. The Constitution's first amendment prohibits Congress from passing any laws even "respecting an establishment of religion." During many Constitution ratification sessions in the states, Christians tried to add references to God and Jesus into the Preamble and to remove the "no religious test for office" provision. Their failure demonstrates that even though the Constitution was a heated public issue, it was ratified as written. Our founders and the public knowingly chose a godless Constitution.
Conservative Christians argue that the First Amendment language, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion," means our founders only meant to prohibit one denomination from becoming the official national religion. The evidence refutes this narrowest of interpretations, aside from the fact that the Constitution must give government such a power, and there is no power to do anything religious in the Constitution. In his letter to the Danbury Baptist Association (1/01/1802), Thomas Jefferson cited "a wall of separation between Church and State" as his reason for denying their request for a national day of fasting. Jefferson's metaphor came from London school master James Burgh, one of England's leading enlightenment political writers. Burgh's Crito (1767) had the phrase, "build an impenetrable wall of separation between things sacred and civil." Along with numerous other documents, Jefferson's message clarifies the intention of the amendment.
The Constitution and amendments only mention religion three times, and only as prohibitions against government doing things religious. One cannot pervert express prohibitions against government doing religious things into powers for government to do religious things. Many public officials have a long history of violating their oath of office by mixing religion into government or by supporting religious groups. A tradition of violating the Constitution does not, however, change the Constitution. This traditional disrespect for the Constitution by religious believers should end.
We have an invaluable ally in our uphill struggle to preserve the truth. We have the words and actions of our founders which directly contradict the myth of a "Christian" United States.
(This answer (c) Howard Thompson, from DEBUNKING THE MYTH OF A "CHRISTIAN" UNITED STATES)
Q: Aren't all atheists Communists (or vice versa)?
A: All Communists may well be atheists, simply because their political system rarely exposes them to anything else. It does not follow that all atheists are Communists. Atheism is a view on the existence of the supernatural, not a political system. Some atheists favor some form of socialism. Many agree with the writings of Ayn Rand, who was a very strong supporter of both unbounded Capitalism and atheism. Many atheists are Libertarians and Democrats; fewer tend to be Republicans, but that is mostly because of their stance on church and state, not always because of their financial plans.
Atheists come in all political flavors. We don't feel that the Communist system does anything to promote well-reasoned atheism, so we don't support it.
Q: What is your deal with evolution? Why do you support it so strongly? Why shouldn't we teach creationism in school as an "alternative" to evolution?
A: We support evolution because it is a generally accepted scientific theory that explains the diversity of life on this planet. The reason it is so well accepted in the scientific community is because it is supported by a wide variety of evidence, including fossils, taxonomy, genetics and experimental biology results.
The reason we talk about it so much on our show is because there is a small but vocal community of Christians who object to the theory on religious grounds. They think that the evidence supporting evolution should be removed from science classes, or else their own myths about genesis should be taught side by side with them. We do not object to Judeo-Christian stories about origins being taught in the classroom. What we do object to is the stories being taught as if they were science. They aren't. Science is a process of making observations, testing evidence, and above all, finding and correcting mistakes. This is almost the exact opposite of what religions do. Religions rely on unalterable texts handed down from ancient teachers, which are not to be questioned regardless of what evidence comes up.
Evolution isn't "atheist science", however. Most scientists who accept evolution are not atheists. As biologist Richard Dawkins puts it, "Evolution doesn't make you an atheist, but it does make it possible to be an intellectually fulfilled atheist." This is because it takes most of the force out of the Argument from Design for God (see below).
Evolution is a large, complicated academic subject. We highly recommend reading the talk.origins archive to learn more about this fascinating subject. It contains an overview of evolution, and extensive articles discussing most common creationist objections. Whenever somebody calls about evolution, if we do not know the answer right away, we will almost always look up the information at the talk origins site and have the answer the following week. Creationists would be wise to keep this in mind, and look up their own arguments on the site to be aware of the responses ahead of time.
Q: You know what they say—there are no atheists in foxholes!
A: Au contraire, mon frére... The Military Association of Atheists and Freethinkers can be visited here, and below are a handful of personal profiles. Christians, despite what some of them think, do not have a monopoly on patriotism, nor does the experience of bullets and missiles whizzing directly over one's head inspire in everyone the conviction that they're being protected by a benevolent magic invisible being.
http://www.maaf.info/expaif.html
Q: What is Pascal's Wager?
A: It's a well-known logical argument why you should believe in God, even if there's a strong chance that it might not be true. Simply put, the argument is that you should believe in God just because there's a chance that you might go to heaven and avoid hell.
The argument was first formally put forth by Blaise Pascal, a philosopher and mathematician in the 17th century. A very good mathematician, in fact, to whom we owe several interesting formulas. There's also a programming language named after him.
Pascal's wager, in a nutshell, is this. No one knows for certain whether God exists. Maybe he does, maybe he doesn't. It's a gamble whether you believe in him or not. So let's treat it like a gamble, says Pascal, and look at the odds.
He described the payoff of this gamble like so. If you choose to believe in God, and you happen to be right, then the reward is infinity. Eternal bliss in heaven. However, if you are wrong, then you lose nothing at all. On the other hand, if you choose not to believe in God, and you're right, you GAIN nothing (in either of the previous two cases, you just die and that's the end). But if you are wrong, your payoff is negative infinity. Eternal suffering in hell.
Now here's the main thrust of the wager. Since the chance of God existing is unknown, but the payoff/punishment scheme is infinitely in favor of believing in God, just on the small chance that he might exist, you'd better believe. It's the only wager that makes sense.
Okay, that's Pascal's wager, now here are our reasons for not agreeing with it.
Reason 1: In the case where God does not exist, there really is a clear advantage to not believing. In other words, the payoff is not zero. For one thing, if you go through life believing a lie, that is a bad thing in itself. Besides that, there is more to being a believer than just saying "Okay, I believe now" and getting on with your life. Serious believers spend a lot of their time in church, and contribute a lot of money as well. There's a reason why some towns have very affluent looking buildings for churches, and why large and elaborate cathedrals are possible: they're funded by folks who donate 1/10th of their income throughout their lives to tithing. This is surely quite a waste if the object of worship isn't real. That's to say nothing of the persecution of other groups that's been instigated in the name of God throughout the ages.
Reason 2: Even if you buy into Pascal's wager and decide you should believe, that doesn't give any basis for choosing which religion to believe in. Fundamentalists often use the wager to prove that you should be a Fundamentalist, but of course, Pascal was Catholic and was using it to prove you should be a Catholic! This just highlights the whole problem of which religion is the right one. Since many Fundamentalists believe that Catholics are going to go to hell, Pascal's not much better off than an unbeliever. We don't know if the Jews are correct, or perhaps the Muslims, or if reincarnation is right... or worse, if there's a perverse God who only lets atheists into heaven! It's not impossible. For all we know, maybe God exists but he doesn't care at all whether people believe in him.
Reason 3: If you can accept Pascal's wager as a realistic reason to believe, that leads you to a point where you have no choice but to believe just about everything on the same grounds. Maybe if you don't own a complete library of Seinfeld episodes, you'll go to hell! Why not? You don't know. Maybe you have to send $10 a week to the Atheist Community of Austin for life. Hey, what's a measly ten bucks if it will save you from eternal hellfire? Or maybe God really likes nude mud wrestling and he will punish those who do not partake of His gift.
Does all this sound utterly silly to you? Good! That's probably because you know that you should only believe things which have some sort of clear evidence favoring them. You don't believe just any old preposterous claim about UFO's, pyramid shaped get-rich-quick schemes, or magic pixies just because somebody tells you they're true and because there's a chance you might be wrong. You have a brain—use it!
Further reading: "Pascal's Sucker Bet" by "Reverend" Jim Huger
Q: What is the Argument from Design / the Watchmaker Argument?
A: There are many arguments advanced by Christians that attempt to infer a God's existence by the alleged evidences of intelligent design in nature. All are deeply flawed in that they commit the fallacy of first presupposing design in order to prove a designer, putting the cart before the horse.
One of the most popular of these is the watchmaker argument, first advanced by theologian William Paley in 1802. Basically it goes like this. If you're walking through the forest/along a beach/wherever, and you see a watch lying on the ground, you could pick it up and tell just by looking at it that the watch could not have just materialized there out of nothingness for no reason at all. Clearly this is a highly intricate piece of machinery, deliberately created and manufactured for a purpose. From here, the argument points out that since organisms in nature exhibit just as much complexity in their makeup as this watch, it is reasonable to assume that nature is the work of deliberate design too.
And this is the first and most obvious problem with the watchmaker argument: it is nothing more than an assumption, based upon an appearance of order. The appearance of order in nature is not alone sufficient justification for assuming that this order is the result of purposeful, intelligent design by a supernatural - trees providing oxygen etc.- but most of the sciences have shown us that there are practical, mechanistic explanations for how and why things work in nature the way they do. In order to mount a convincing argument that things in nature require a Divine Creator to explain them, Christians must first demonstrate that it is impossible to explain them in any other way, and such design arguments as the watchmaker argument fail to do this.
Viewed another way, the structure of the watchmaker argument is self-refuting. The hypothetical person noticing the hypothetical watch on the hypothetical beach thinks it looks designed...but compared to what? In order for one to recognize design, one must have a concept of non-design as a frame of reference to work from. So if the watch looks designed compared to its natural surroundings, then that clearly implies those natural surroundings were not, in fact, designed, though they may exhibit the appearance of order.
Even if one were, for the sake of discussion, to take the watchmaker argument seriously, it would still not be a strong argument that the designer inferred by the comparison of watch-to-nature bears any resemblance to the Christian God. For one thing, no watch is made by one man these days; they are usually made by factories employing thousands of workers. And the factories that make watches are not the same factories that make chairs, styrofoam cups, computers, or Winnebagos. So why assume that nature, with all its dazzling variety, must be the work of only one designer? At best, the watchmaker argument can be said to be an argument for polytheism, or a highly clever and advanced race of aliens who have figured out how to make solar systems and planets.
Still another refutation along these lines is that watches do evolve. The modern digital watch was not dreamed up in every detail by anyone in the modern day. It evolved from older watches, which evolved from analog watches, which evolved from hourglasses, sundials and other time-keeping methods. Each step in the "evolution" of the watch was achieved by people thinking about older designs and coming up with new ways to improve them. So if the analogy is going to work, it's going to have to allow at minimum for God experimenting and modifying his design through an evolutionary process and selection. This is important when you consider that many creationists try to use this argument to refute evolution.
Finally, it can be pointed out that Christians who argue from design take a highly selective view of nature. One woman who called The Atheist Experience some months ago couldn't understand why we weren't convinced of God's existence because of "all the beauty" in nature. We pointed out that while things like butterflies, waterfalls, and sunsets were indeed beautiful, other things like earthquakes, cancer and the Ebola virus were not. "Beauty" is a human concept that individuals apply subjectively to things we observe. One must wonder why the loving God of Christianity would consider it "beautiful" to set nature up so that animals in the wild had to massacre one another to survive. Surely God would not take pleasure in the death agonies of a gazelle having its throat torn away by a ravenous cheetah...would He? If God is such an "intelligent designer," why couldn't He have created "meat trees," so that the carnivores could pluck their meals every night and leave the gentle herbivores alone?
Do we know with absolute certainty that the universe is not the result of deliberate design? Well, no. But any sort of objective view of nature must lead one to conclude that the specific design arguments of Christianity are invalid, as it makes no sense their supposedly omnibenevolent God would design a nature so harsh and cruel.
Further reading:
* Argument from Design entry at the Skeptic's Dictionary
* "The Watch in the Desert" by R. J. Riggins
For further reading, check out the atheism FAQ at infidels.org.
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| Wednesday, October 22nd, 2008
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4:14 pm - See, this is what I'm talking about. The IQ of 2 for Americans
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The American way - knowing jack shit about what you're talking about and hating anything that's different. Way to go!
current mood: outraged
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| Thursday, October 16th, 2008
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1:41 am - How Racism Works
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How Racism Works
After following this most historic of Presidential Elections, where for the 1st time an African American is a nominee, like many of, you I have seen a clear and unmistakable double standard. While the Obama campaign is grilled for the smallest actions, the most scurrilous ads and lies by the McCain campaign are largely overlooked by the media.
This double standard lead me to put forth the following questions that I call "What Ifs"
What If …….. John McCain was raised by a single Mom and Barack Obama's Dad was a 4 star Admiral and Commander of the US Navy.
What If …….. John McCain were a former president of the Harvard Law Review and Obama graduated with a C- grade point average.
What If …….. McCain graduated Magna Cum Laude from Harvard and Barack Obama finished fifth from the bottom of his graduating class (894 out of 899 graduates)?
What If …….. McCain were still married to the first woman he said 'I do' to? and Obama was the candidate who cheated on his 1st wife by dating his current wife.
What If …….. Obama admitted that he had multiple affairs within weeks of being released as a POW after learning that his 1st wife was crippled due to a car accident and no longer had her movie star good looks?
What If …….. We learned that Michelle Obama was the wife who not only became addicted to pain killers, but stole pills from her charitable organization to satisfy her addiction?
What If …….. Cindy McCain graduated from Princeton University and Harvard Law School and Michelle was born with a silver spoon as the heir to a $100 million dollar beer company?
What If …….. McCain had a squeaky clean reputation in the Senate and Obama had been investigated by the Senate Ethics Committee for interfering in a Savings and Loan scandal called the "Keating 5'?
What If …….. Obama had 1173 pages of medical records and 4 bouts with skin cancer and McCain was issued a clean bill of health?
What If …….. McCain was a charismatic, eloquent speaker? And Obama had trouble simply reading the teleprompter?
What If ……. American voters judged the candidates on the content of their character instead of the color of their skin.
If these questions reflected reality, do you really believe the election numbers would be as close as they are? This is what racism does. It covers up, rationalizes and minimizes positive qualities in one candidate and emphasizes negative qualities in another when there is a color difference.
current mood: annoyed
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| Wednesday, October 15th, 2008
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12:49 am - New kittens!
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We've adopted a new cat. It was a stray that had been wandering around our place for a week. None of the neighbors we talked to said it was theirs. Even if it was someone's the kitten was in poor condition. It had fleas and ear mites. It gobbled up food like it had never had it before. We doubt someone owned it but even if they did, like I said, it was in bad condition and that person wouldn't have deserved this kitten. We're guessing it's about 4 - 5 months old.
I named him Echo. I named him that because whenever he's meowing, if you happen to meow back at him, he'll always answer you. Seriously, we meowed back and forth for like a few minutes once. I'll upload pictures of him soon!
current mood: sick
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| Monday, October 13th, 2008
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1:58 am - The Lonely Heart
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Your result for The Heart Test... Lonely HeartYou are 50% Independent, 30% Idealistic, 80% Intimate, and 90% Indulgent! 
The Lonely Heart
Dependent, Realistic, Intimate, Indulgent
You are the most misunderstood of hearts, the Lonely Heart. Your desire for love and your want of harmony and intimacy are all very loving qualities. At the same time you are very down-to-earth, which may present a more cold or hard demeanor than you actually possess. Your qualities are all of the quieter types, so you may be shy, leading to difficulties in love, which is hard for you, being so caring as you are. You want love, but your realistic nature may work against these more idealistic desires. Matches for the Lonely Heart: The Healers's HeartThe Healer's Heart is both realistic and values harmony, just as you do. The Healer is more passionate than you are, but you can appreciate this quality. The Healer in independent, and while you may wish them to dote on you more, you can can appreciate their self-sufficiency. The Healer will always be there for you when you are down, and you will find that they make a wonderful match. The Patron Saint's HeartThe Patron Saint is, like you, dependent, realistic and values harmony. The Patron Saint will understand your more down-to-earth views as wells as your need for love and want for unity in a relationship. The Patron Saint is more passionate than you are, and this is something you can definitely appreciate. The Patron Saint's protective nature will leave your lonely heart feeling loved, and you will appreciate them watching over you, as well as the fact that they seem to understand you well. . Your exact opposite is The Lively Heart. Avoid Explicits if you can. You need love and the feeling of being loved, and an Explicit may not understand or appreciate this, leading to conflict. Idealists may also be difficult to get along with if you are stubborn. But if you can adapt and appreciate their ways of thinking, a relationship with an Idealist can work. Take The Heart Test at HelloQuizzy
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| Friday, October 10th, 2008
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5:37 pm - The Great Schlep
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| Monday, October 6th, 2008
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1:57 pm - Truth about Republicans
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| Saturday, September 27th, 2008
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1:06 am - Like animals?
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